I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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