brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
