just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
