I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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