He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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