I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm too high and old for this...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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