i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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