i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
