"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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