Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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