i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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