Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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