fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
