Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
