You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
