can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
