More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
