the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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