I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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