You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
nutella sex= disaster
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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