you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
