Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
What a dumb baby whore.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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