i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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