Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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