i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
