White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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