She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
