Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
