meet me or not, i'm out of control
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
