Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
