If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
