fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
