apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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