ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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