I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
