so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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