My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
