I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
