i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
