I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
