You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
me + whiskey = a bad person
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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