My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
