He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
