Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
