i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
