a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
