I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
