She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
