What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
