Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
