last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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