Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
