I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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