well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
