He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
