so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
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