I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
