Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
