You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
