It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
