I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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