the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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